A Vegetable?
by Runic Patronus
Summary: Harry, fed up with Snape, turns him into a vegetable.
1. The Prank

"_That's it!"_ Harry thought. It was after one of his 'remedial potions' sessions, and he had a blinding headache. _"There has to be another way to learn this,"_ he continued. But no matter. He could get Hermione to help him look for a book later. However, _now_ was the time to strike back at Snape. "Clear your mind," indeed...

"Say, Neville, could I talk to you for a moment?"

Harry went down to the kitchens a little bit later to see Dobby, who, as usual, was overjoyed to see Harry. After a while, he asked Dobby if he could place a spell on "the greasy git's" plate.

Dobby seemed more than happy to help Harry, stating that the "slimy bat needs to be having a prank for sure, Master Harry Potter, Sir!"

Having received the Dobby Seal of Approval(TM), he laid a few spells on Snape's plate, while Dobby ensured that they could not be easily detected or removed. Useful, that.

Harry made sure he was a bit early to arrive at the Great Hall so that he could get a good seat for the show he would have with his dinner. Not too long after, Neville sat next to him. Harry nodded to Gryffindor's resident greenthumb. About halfway through the meal, Snape got a strange look on his face.

"Urk, POTTER! You will pay for this!"

Harry looked over at his Head of House, who silently shook her head and turned back to watch the prank in progress.

Hermione, however, was not as easily swayed nor amused. "Harry!"

Harry looked over at her. "Hermione, nothing bad has happened to our Potions Professor. I just turned him into a vegetable.."

She giggled for a moment, before, "You didn't..."

"No, of course I didn't! It's too difficult to use that sort of spell as a prank. Besides, this way, I can keep pranking him as payback." He leaned a bit closer to her, and in a lower voice, "Also, I didn't want to upset Neville too much." Continuing as earlier, he said, "Anyway, I talked to Neville about an appropriate transfiguration, and had Dobby help me. Besides, transfiguring someone into broccoli still counts as turning them into a vegetable, right?"

AN: Don't forget to review!


	2. Bunny Bites

AN: Sorry for the delay.

Disclaimer: If I owned HP, I doubt I would be here, writing this, let alone reading things like this. So perhaps that's a good thing!

Chapter 2

Severus Snape, AKA the giant broccoli, was, to put it lightly, very angry. '_The nerve of that Potter brat,' _he mused to himself, while attempting to use one of his florets to cure himself from the prank. Despite all he said, none of the other faculty members agreed with him, stating that there was no way that Potter could have done it.

"We'll see about that," he groused, giving the potion a final stir. Once he was free of this stupid broccoli transformation, he would give Potter detention for the rest of his life!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it), Snape was not alone in his private potions lab. A small white rabbit had followed him down, hoping for a small snack...

Snape removed the cauldron from the fire, and scooped out a serving into a small phial. The rest, he decided to store in case Potter continued. He had just filled the last beaker of potion and started carrying them over to a cupboard, when...

"OUCH!" A small chunk of the broccoli was now missing. Being unable to turn and see what was going on, or use magic, he had no clue what was happening. Also, he had no way to stop it, save the yelling.

A moment later, a second yell could be heard from the potions lab. However, the corridor had been silenced by the Potions Professor during an earlier class when someone's cauldron exploded, so nobody could hear him. Nobody, that is, but a small blonde Ravenclaw.

Luna giggled. There was no better addition to Harry and Neville's prank than this. Granted, she hadn't told them about it yet, thinking that it would be funnier when they found out for themselves.

"Hmm, that _is_ a lot of vegetable..." She silently conjured another rabbit and sent it to feed.

Meanwhile...

Harry sat down next to Neville, who was relaxing on a couch in the Gryffindor Common Room. "We need to do something else, I think," he said quietly to his partner-in-pranks. "Given the amount of time since we pranked him, he's sure to have created some sort of antidote or something."

"That's true", the Gryffindor green thumb answered. "But what about if we..."

The next day, Snape showed up, his green complexion marred by several bandages. During the ruckus of being bitten, he was unable to drink the antidote he had concocted, and the rest of them had smashed into the floor. Harry, seeing this, furrowed his brow and looked around to see what the other people's reactions were. They all seemed similar to his, save Luna's. Although, given Luna's penchant for being strange and seemingly in her own world, her broad smile was not out of the ordinary. However, Harry went over to see what she was up to. Sitting down next to her and putting a bit of food on a nearby plate, he asked her what she seemed so happy about...

The sight of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, overcome by giggles was a strange sight, but he passed it off as being a joke Luna had told him.

Up at the Head Table, Professor McGonagall smothered a giggle of her own. The spell that was on her colleague was none other than a simple transfiguration, although the way it had been used and the power behind it surprised her.

Unnoticed by most people, Snape was slowly changing. Rather than looking a deep green, he turned a different shade. Also, his florets seemed to be disappearing, and large bulbous shapes started appearing along his body. Finally, someone noticed and laughed, leading to more laughs, and yet more, until the entire Great Hall (save for Snape) was laughing at Professor Snape, the giant pod of peas. Missing a few chunks, of course. Chunks that almost, but not quite, looked like a face. Seeing this, Harry got Neville's and Luna's attentions and told them to meet him later to discuss a new plan for Snape's next transformation. After all, Halloween was coming up quite soon...

AN: I finally understand why it takes fanfic authors so long to update their stories. Real life can really get in the way of writing, and then, ideas don't always go the way you wanted them. I also have a new respect for authors that can write pages on pages of story.

In your reviews, give suggestions for other vegetables/fruits you'd like Snape to be turned into! I'll most likely use them at some point.


	3. Halloween Special

Disclaimer: Do you really expect that this would be in a published book? No, I don't own HP.

Harry woke with a smile on his face. He had just come up with a perfect plan. All he had to do now was put it into action. He dressed quickly, walked downstairs to the Common Room, and spoke to Neville for a moment, after which he went down to breakfast, allowing Neville to fill in Luna on Harry's plans.

After breakfast, the greasy gi—err...the giant pea pod made its way back down to its Potions lab to hopefully remake the antidote he had attempted earlier. However, before he could make it there, he felt a familiar pain in his back...

* * *

Madam Pomfrey could only apply a pain-relieving spell to the bites, unsure of what a potion would do to the transfigured Professor.

But there was nothing that could be done about the rabbits that kept attacking the giant veggie, with other students conjuring more and more. However, nobody noticed the pattern that the bites were taking...

About half an hour before the feast began, Harry went back down to the kitchens. Knowing that Snape would likely check his plates and food for the prank, he added it to his pumpkin juice. A house-elf nearby smiled. It seemed a logical location, given the prank potion.

So as not to seem suspicious, Harry headed down to the Halloween Feast with most of the students, rather than early or late.

The feast seemed rather uneventful, and was rather nice, with the bats, floating candles, and jack-o-lanterns floating around the hall adding to the atmosphere. About halfway through, though, the large pea pod that was the Potions Professor coughed a few times, attracting attention. Most people wondered if the prank was going to wear off, but only the Slytherins were happy about that possibility. Thankfully, it didn't, but the green-colored Snape started changing shape. In a matter of minutes, he had swollen up to a size rivaling some of Hagrid's pumpkins. This swelling caused his bandages from earlier to fall off. Meanwhile, his color slowly shifted from green to a bright orange that the Chudley Cannons would be proud of. A few moments after that, most people had figured it out—Snape had changed into a giant pumpkin. However, Professor Flitwick decided to make it better. Seeing the shape of the bites in the skin of the Pumpkin Professor, he swished his wand quietly under the table, and a soft candle-like glow came from the bite marks, showing a face for the orange gourd. As the laughter started, Harry grinned. He finally had a Halloween to be happy about.

AN: Thanks for reading. Don't forget to add your suggestions for what Snape should be changed into in your review!


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